goals

graduate
make, then keep "the living easy"
sell my wears....my soul wears
be happy
be spontaneous
the true
love it all
design, it all equals design

silly little bug

humbug. bah. bug hum. bugs humming.

looking for a little hum. a little bug.

it's been awhile since there was a little bug humming around my ear.

a pretty bug. a sweet bug. a fun bug with a pretty, certain hum.

hum day.

Sunny Feeling

How do you take criticism?

As an artist you have to take in all experiences.

Be ready and alert. 

The openness leaves all this room for pain. 

How do you take criticism? Painful, harsh, hateful...the kind that makes you lose your heart, or feel your heart hurt.

What do you tell yourself when no one can make you feel better about it?

No song will help, no hugs, no kind words. I don't need kind words. I need honest wisdom on how to handle it. 

So wisdom. I guess I'm gaining it now, but goodness in the mean time how do you keep going when the drive has been snatched?

Help a young little budding artist out! How do you handle criticism?

Willful Suspension of Disbelief

"I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member."


If you need scissors, you can never find them, but if you don't they are always in the way.
Metaphor for life? or relationships perhaps?

Scatter brained.
Rearranging thoughts.
Rearranging life.
Rearranging me.

Final decisions. Are there really ever final decisions? Ice cream maybe, but major decisions?

Perhaps?

Ink. Ink requires decisive action.

I lost the thought. Scattered, like I said.

The (tragically bad) end.

tomorrow. tomorow?

cause and effect.
the effects affecting you deeply.

pausing before you act.
pausing before you speak.

thinking...the lost moments.

not thinking at all.
loving something for what it is.
not asking anymore.
being present.


play.
pure uninhibited play.

joy.
dancing, the freedom.
frolic. uninhibited happiness.
the contagiousness of joy.
the ability to transfer it to others through a smile. touch. glance.

days that seem to unfold by magic.
the way a flower opens in the morning.
truly thoughtful about the moment you are in.
unconcerned about the next.
the focus should be now.
faith that the next will work itself out.

creating the energy.
knowing.
being sure enough to share it.
sharing it makes more.
makes it pure.
makes

it goes on

being

seeing

sharing





----------------
Now playing: Arcade Fire - Neighborhood #4 (7 Kettles)
via FoxyTunes

vibrations.

good vibrations.
bad vibrations.
electricity.
that something.
the feeling when you catch someones eye and something happens.
some little piece of you comes alive.
or something makes you want to know more about that person.
what is that?
what causes that?
its not just mere attraction, it something more.
yes, attraction is part, but its more.
some thing in their being.
some mystery that needs to be solved.
maybe you are feeling the same energy, maybe it hmms in the same key?
i surely don't know, i don't know if the people i feel that with feel it too.

vibes
feeling
energy

Upon Encountering The Crippled Elephant

what do you do?
what do i do?
when do i do it?
how do i get started?

welcome to summer.

start now.

as for what....anything until the right thing comes....it always comes. right?
here's to doing!

values

it takes a while to realize the values of things, but then you realize things don't have value any way.

now that's values

beauty in dirt

creating. art. product. the people who see the small things.

that's all we are. designers, artists, we are the ones who see the little things.
weeds as the most beautiful thing on earth, and the next minute its the bug on the weeds.

we see the gravel in the concrete and the sparkle in the broken beer bottle in the street.

the wonder in chipped paint, and the sorrow in a perfectly kept yard.

the sadness in an overly cleaned house.

the love in lumpy cookies.

the love in a picture thoughtfully done in macaroni.

the love in a doodle.

the joy in a found lost note.

pulling it all together...

being able to let a song a move you.
move you to dance.
move you to cry.
move you to make it into a drawing.
move you to make it into 20 drawings.
move you to cry when you see the drawing over a year later.
move you to remember things you you've forgotten for years.

relax. see the small things. love them. thats what its all about.

its like licking the mixers after baking a cake, or making a necklace out of clover flowers.

slow down.
love it all.
see it all.
don't worry about understanding.

take it in.
love.
life.

junk

"motor cars, handle bars
bicycles for two
broken hearted jubilee

Parachutes, Army Boots
Sleeping Bags for Two
Sentimental Jamboree

buy buy
says sign in the shop window
why why
says the junk in the yard

candlesticks, building bricks
something old and new
memories for you and me"

salvation army today had everything on sale for 99 cents...

my my this song is going to be a nice painting when summer rolls around.

listing lists to make lists

brains working in lists. listing to make lists.
listing lists. trying to motivate.
motivating by listing.

lists on hands
lists on faces from sleeping on hands
lists on doors
lists in books
lists on money
lists on the side of my screen

then you have to compile the lists, which gives you more list ideas. next thing you know there is no time to do the things on the lists because your too busy listing.

organized lists. time line lists. free flow lists. to do lists. to think lists. dream lists. goal lists. not to do lists. things to think about doing lists.

listing to list
listing as escape
listing as dreaming
listing for joy
listing for love
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

morning

sunny spring morning.....*devilish smile, eye brows raised*
this is the kind of morning that makes me want to get in the car or on the bike and go look for an adventure.
i have a test today in CIVE, but the day feels open.
maybe i'm just feeling sassy, but i feel like I could take on the world armed with a tube of lipgloss and a full tank of gas.
crazy? maybe, but who knows maybe one day when i wake up feeling like this i'll do it.
today i'll have to settle for a small adventure that still lets me take care of the business at hand.
one day.
this summer?
the day school lets out this semester?
i have a stash for adventures right now....this is happening.
be scared. hehe
i'll be in the news for being bad ass.
get ready.


----------------
Now playing: Animal Collective - Grass
via FoxyTunes

was i in your deams?

"i'll let you be in my dreams if i can be in yours"
-bob dylan

i hope the people that are in my dreams think of me from time to time. they have such a strong impact on my life. i can go days, maybe even weeks with out a thought of them, but they are always in my mind...or is it my heart?

i've learn so much from these people. i know i'm being vague, but dreams aren't specific, which makes hard hard o talk in specifics about them.

this morning. i remember some of the people that were in my dreams, and it was a doosie! i gave me the worst case of the mean reds you could imagine! i don't know what happened. the plot? but the feeling it produced was unreal. i felt terrible.

i had to lay there and rationalize it so i could go on with my day! that is power. its a good thing most people don't know the power they have on other people. on me!

i love the people that were in my dream, the people that are in my dreams. even if we no longer talk their impact is so valuable. it shaped me. for better or worse. this is why after years they are still in my thoughts, my DREAMS.

amazing

it makes me wonder why? what brought up these thoughts/memories...

all ways on my mind

music + desgn = who knows what that could =. that's what i'm looking for

architecture....that's what i know, but not what i want to do...so, help me!! haha
i'll find "it" i guess, but i want to combine the two...architecture?(design?) and music. not in the traditional way where you make buildings. there needs to be more.

the creations could be music, they could be the things that make music, they could be something you look at while listening to music that brings your enjoyment to a whole new level. i don't know, but i know there is something else i could be doing other than making buildings.

music, i feel, is the ultimate form of expression. that's my passion, faith, love...religion? nah...i don't like religion.

so design and music. right? yeah. i'm working on it. finding the middle ground where my skills can be used to make my living. did i mention that? i want to be able to do whatever this music + design thing is to make a living. it doesn't have to support me all the way, i can do something else too, but i want this to be the goal. i want "it" whatever it is to be the ultimate thing that supports me.

i'm looking for "it"



----------------
Now playing: Blind Melon - Hell
via FoxyTunes

smudgy hand words

S. Classes
Inense
Civil
some other too smudged to read words...i hope they weren't important.

ghetto chickens and cheese pictures

they aren't really related, but for some reason they are both floating about in my head right now.
ghetto rosters and chickens running, free range in my/our/the neighborhood.
color. that what they are. flavor. i often wonder about their flavor....

as for the pictures. there are the truly happy ones, the fake smiles, sexy self pics (my fav, oh yeah so hot...humph), the list goes on and on.... i like to be a photo stalker. the creepy friend who catches you at odd times with a pic.

oh nothing like a bike ride to get the mind going in the morning.